"But if I submit I won't get my needs met"

One of the major problems that I see within couples who are trying to follow the new-testament biblical framework for marriage, in which the man is to love the woman as Christ loves the church and the woman is to submit to the man as her head, is that women are afraid their own basic needs will not be met.  Indeed often their needs are not met.   I'm not talking about wishes and desires.  I'm talking about basic needs for well-being which include but are not limited to: healthy food, sleep (this is a big one!), belonging/friendship, etc.

I was talking with a friend recently who's husband would not let her buy something that she needed in order to be able to fulfill one of her basic needs.  It was not expensive, but he didn't feel it was necessary.  She felt she had to listen to him and used parent/child language like, "He won't let me."

I want to teach these women that they are not children underneath their husband's authority.  They are partners and because they are connected every decision they make effects their spouse and therefore he deserves to be told what her plans are.  It is good to communicate your needs to one another and how you plan to fulfill those needs.

This is a template for a conversation I was thinking about this morning:

"Hi Spouse.  I have _________ need.  I plan to do ________ to fulfill this need.  I am not asking your permission because I am not your child.  I am telling you in order to give you the opportunity to provide an alternate means or idea for meeting my need and/or to communicate to me your feelings about my decision."

Example:  "Hi Husband.  I really need some extra sleep.  I'm planning on sleeping in on Saturday to catch up.  I'm not asking your permission because I am not your child.  I am telling you in order to give you the opportunity to provide an alternate means or idea for meeting my need and/or to communicate to me your feelings about my decision."

Things I'm curious about:  How would a "head of the household" type man respond to this? Pastors do you believe this fits within the idea of submission?  Men, do you feel like your needs aren't met in this type of marriage framework as well?

This breaks my heart...

http://www.upworthy.com/if-you-happen-across-this-couple-at-the-airport-please-give-them-a-hug-for-me?c=ufb1

Have you discovered upworthy.com yet?  I've been loving the stuff I find there.  This video is super sad.  It's the story of a gay couple who can't live together because the U.S. federal government won't give the English guy a visa.  If they were a heterosexual marriage couple the U.S. would issue him a green card, but since they are a gay couple, married legally in New York City, the U.S. won't issue him a green card.  They have to live apart.

Two Quick Things...

...or maybe three:

1.  I am loving Glennon Doyle Melton right now.  I'm reading her book and browsing through her blog.  Our stories are SO very different, but our temperaments are SO very the same.  I love every minute I spend with her.

2. I keep hearing about co-dependence and how it's different than love.  I don't know anything about co-dependence.  I don't even know what that word means, but I'm starting to feel like it's important that I learn.  Any good advice on where to start with that one?

3.  While I've been ignoring my religious anxiety, I had a brand new anxiety pop up.  My therapist thinks one of my kids might be on the autistic spectrum.  This news, even though we have not had my kid evaluated yet, has sent me into an anxiety tail spin.  I'm having to remind myself to breath.  But I am breathing, so everything is still holding up for the moment.

There's my little update.  I miss writing here, but I don't do schedules.  I write when I just can't help but write and I don't write when the page isn't calling to me.  It is what it is.  No "shoulds".

Don't Judge me

"I learned quickly that to judge another is to do them the greatest disservice... because you don't have to live with the consequences of their actions." -Jason on Rachel Held Evans Blog.

Elizabeth Esther being awesome...

http://www.elizabethesther.com/2013/05/a-mandate-of-freedom.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ThreesACrowd+%28Elizabeth+Esther%29

On Counseling

This.  This is why I am pursing psychology.  I desire to sit with the suffering in their darkness.  Only then can they/we find the strength to find the way out.  I need to remember this.  I need to remember that I fail when I seek power or to prove I am knowledgeable.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ryan-thomas-neace-/but-arent-you-a-christian-counselor_b_3176008.html?utm_hp_ref=christianity

P.S. I sign up for classes on Tuesday! Yikes!!

P.P.S.  I have not been very stressed out by religious stuff lately because i'm choosing not to at the moment.  Thus I haven't been very motivated to write.  I have physical people in my life to listen to me talk about my other issues and stressors. = )  You, my readers and on-line friends, have been my comfort in my time of spiritual need.  I thank you!  I will return to writing more often again, I know, because I have not yet resolved anything. =)

Unequally Yoked

A friend of mine just decided not to enter a serious relationship with a boy because he isn't a Christian. They are both really sad because they both really love each other.  I want to send her this:

http://alise-write.com/discussing-faith-over-seafood-by-sarah-moon/

I'm not brave enough.  But I do know that people change.  You can marry someone for their faith and then that faith can change.  So, I don't know how important it is anymore to find someone that shares your faith.  Values, yes.  But beliefs?  They change.  I can attest to that.